We all say we want to be independent, but I’ve had to wrestle with that problem, and in a way eat my words.  One Thursday morning I  helplessly watched water flood the lower floor of my tri-level.

Struck numb and dumb, I called my neighbor, Julie, who immediately went into “Holy cow! We’d better do something  quick!  Call the plumber.”  I did, and I lucked out. Dave, the plumber, (bless him) was on his way.  I muttered, “Thank you, God.”  Funny how I got religious then. Water covered the family room, the bathroom, the utility room, and was still pouring out the crawlspace.  I watched a clothes basket float by. Not good.

Another friend arrived with a wet vac–water still rising.  In shock I called my son, knowing he was loaded with majorly important work projects  and wondered what he would do.   Within an hour he was here.  Dave had connected a pump through the window of the utility room.  Moveable furniture was raised, and everyone was emptying wet vacs.

My sump pump had died of a cracked pipe.  And  the battery-operated backup  thing couldn’t handle the water. The rain stopped, but one look at the skies and I was literally “dead in the water” if it came down again.  I was fortunate.  Believe it or not, Dave’s father located a sump pump and spent almost two hours driving to get it.  Would we beat the next downpour?  You bet we did.  I owe Dave’s father a free dinner or two.

I cannot possibly relate  the blood, sweat, and tears of that day; I hardly remember everything.  It all mushes into a big blur, but by 5:00 p.m. we were pumped out, the junk in the crawlspace sat in the garage (several cold wet hours on our knees spent dragging and shoving basic crap), a new sump pump was miraculously installed, and my legs felt encased in concrete.

I found out an interesting fact that I will share with you for your future reference: insurance does not cover a broken sump pump unless you have a special rider. Another blow, and as I listened to the giant fans, I knew this was just the beginning of the story.  Bit by little bit, I would learn about mildew and mold spores and that my lovely wooden floor and walls and, yes, even the insulation would be gutted to a concrete shell.

I discovered disasters have a pattern to them.  The learning experience starts right after the flood.  I checked on the Internet for products, people, and processes.  One night feeling sorry for myself and quite alone, I broke up a bit and cried.  I really wanted someone to do it all for me. Being independent has some sharp, dark places.  You know what I discovered? It was all part of the process.

Where am I now?  Rugs are at the cleaners, my living room and dining areas are jammed with couches and tables and everything under the sun.  I believe the house is free of mold. Luckily my major appliances (furnace, etc.) suffered no harm.  Amen.  New insulation is up, and the dumpster is gone. I progress one step back to normal. I know I’ll have the thrill of drywall dust. Heck, my house needed a spring cleaning anyway, but I prefer cleaning and painting under more relaxed conditions.

I called this a learning experience. It really is more of a continuum of self discovery. I needed the support of family, friends; but no one wants a steady diet of flood talk. Most of the time I was busy learning what to do next. My living quarters are quite reduced, and it’s okay.

In fact, I’m okay and rather proud of myself. Young or old, a person has to do what she has to do.

Happy spring!

Lu

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BUNGEE JUMPERS

I know why people jump into the air and plunge hundreds of feet into space and then bounce around until they are hauled back to mother earth. I believe people do these wild things to fulfill a primal need to experience unadulterated moments of pure life. These moments produce a rush of adrenaline so strong that the body fairly tingles with excitement. There is another bonus–a warm glow of satisfaction.

We all need bungee moments in our lives to shake off monotony, to feel a touch of daring do, to assert the fact that we are indeed alive. A bungee moment for us can take a thousand turns, and these moments are different for every one of us. Last year, I went on a roller coaster ride, thought I would fall out, screamed in true fear, and thoroughly enjoyed myself. I felt a bit smug.

After going up to Willis Tower this winter with a friend, we reached the top and stepped out onto those glass balconies that protrude about eight feet from the building. First I looked out, and then I looked down. Actually, it was like being suspended on an airplane and really not a bit scary. Going downtown by train, navigating traffic, having lunch at Willis Tower, avoiding being herded around, enhanced my sense of independence.

That was a bungee moment for me. I recommend you plan a few. I don’t think we should spend our last years waiting for the fat lady to sing. Do you? Trying a new recipe, joining a new group, sitting on a bench and inhaling life–these may all be bungee moments for you. I don’t know.

My next foray will be to Navy Pier and its giant Ferris Wheel. My past history with the Ferris Wheels brings bad memories, and maybe I’ll chicken out. I give myself permission to fail.

Choosing to be proactive brings good things into our lives. Create your own goals, crazy or not, it’s okay.

Lu

P.S. I would love to hear your ideas.

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I look around, and I see a well groomed group of folks chatting at a fundraiser dinner–at a glance, well heeled, fashionable, civilized, using the correct silverware, all appearances resonate health, wealth, and security.

I’m a people watcher. I notice clothes, hair, jewelry, nervous ticks, the works. Almost everyone sports a smile, and I wonder, “What in the world could these people have to worry about?”

I happen to know that the couple on my right lost a forty-year-old daughter, the mother of three, last year. Not good. The unrevealed histories of most would not make the headlines of The National Enquirer, but under the veneer of the moment, we discover the truth, and it is simply this: everyone has a story.

Where am I going with this? I believe if each of us knew the bare facts of the people in line at the checkout counter, we might be slower to judge. The guy that just cut me off on Plainfield Road that I wanted to sign my dissatisfaction to, is he a nutcase? A brash, ignorant teenager? A guy in a hurry? I don’t know.

I now know that with whatever precious time I have in my life, I am trying super hard not to judge. OMG…am I critical? I wish I was one of those happy natured people who seem to see the good in everyone. Are they real? See what I mean? Critical.

I have made a life changing discovery: the less I judge, the happier I am. Thank you, Lord. It’s never too late to change.

I am interested in any life changing discoveries. We all need help.

Lu

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It was a cozy morning while I sat in my favorite chair with a fresh cup of coffee. (Good coffee is still my passion and an excellent reason to get out of bed.)  I began my ritual reading of the newspaper.  When I finished, I was ready to cancel delivery.  God help us! If you are depressed, don’t read the news.  On this particular day, every story detailed the ugly, the mean, the nasty, the sad, the violent, and all the other miserable conditions of our time.  Not a way to start my day. ISH!

What to do?  Is there even a “to do?”  Yes, I believe there is a “to do.” We can’t just squirrel away from reality.  Ugly and evil exist; it is not a new concept.   We just don’t want it in our face all the time.  Personally I deplore the constant barrage of violence that the media exploits 365 days a year.  What to do?

I was frustrated.  A person only gets frustrated when the situation is beyond her control, but I had a thought.  I had recently read A Gift of Hope: Helping the Homeless by Danielle Steel.  Upon the death of her son, a tragic BAD, she relates how she soothed a grieving heart.  Her project started small.  In a big van, and with a few volunteers, she drove the nasty backwaters of San Francisco giving jackets and blankets to the homeless.  It was a gutsy thing to do.  I cannot tell you more, or I will spoil the book.

Well here we go.  I’m not the Caped Crusader, and I am not a famous author with lots of money.  I can only talk back to the BAD in the world in a bitsy way.  I believe that BAD is like a deadly bacteria, and it spreads, but then, on the other hand, I believe that GOOD is the miracle of life.  Call me simplistic.  Talk back to the BAD with a little GOOD, and it resonates.

Doing a little GOOD each day talks back to the BAD.  I’ve tried it, and I can say first hand it is more than  easy to forget those good intentions; my batting average is .500–one day on and one day off–but I’m not going to quit on myself.   (Forgetting resonates with everyone I know!) Anyway, this idea works for me.

JUST SPRING FORWARD.

Lu

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Somewhere floating in the back of my mind, I planned to learn to speak French one day.  I haven’t, and I won’t.  My motivation for learning to speak French is nonexistent.  I don’t plan a trip, and nobody I know even speaks French.  What was I thinking of, talking to myself in French?  …ISH!

I reviewed my “When I have the time/When I retire” list, and I revised it.   Losing 10 to 20 pounds first hit my list when I was sixteen.  After 50 years, I’ll just try to eat healthy.  In fact, I destroyed that list and thought, “Time to start over.”

Let’s get practical, Lu.   I think it wise to go for those goals that are either going to make my life easier or are going to give me great satisfaction.  Being a pragmatist, I put the word “cyber world” in large letters.  In the last year or so, the cyber world is IT.  You name it and the cyber world is there: the social media, the health world, and so on to forever.

Not being a cyber-baby–meaning I grew up eating apples, not using one–there is a big gap in my education.  If I choose to ignore the products of the cyber world, I will remove myself not only from many avenues of communication, but also from ease of information.
For example, I just learned that the Circuit Breaker application form is now only available online.  What next?  I’m thinking about older folks, and I am in that category.

I took the plunge. I pressed the start button.  I now have a Windows 8 laptop computer.  I also have WiFi, so I can Google recipes in my kitchen, and I may just give up the Tribune (still on the fence about that one).

I am crossing my fingers, because today I am installing a new firewall and protection system and adding all the Microsoft Word products to my PC.  These little accomplishments are a big deal to me.

Some forty years ago I quit smoking, and my friends said, “IF LU CAN QUIT, ANYONE CAN QUIT.”  I was a heavy smoker.  Let’s use that same idea about cyber topics.
Get back to me with your story.

Lu

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I cannot write another word about the holidays–everything has been said.  I particularly like the advice about the true meaning and the joy that we must keep in our hearts.  I do believe it, I do.  Here’s the hook: it’s an emotionally charged time of year.  Busy this, busy that.  What to buy, or should I just give gift cards?  My Jiminy Cricket voice says, “I thought you were cutting back,  hmm?”

Listen to me. I believed in Santa Claus way too long, and sometimes I think I can be his helper.  I put up two trees, put out my outside lights, and bought three new plaques that I just love. (Don’t worry, I’ll give them away before I die.)  Back to my personal NOW. I love the holidays.  It’s genetic, I inherited it from my Dad, who played Bing Crosby’s “White Christmas,” put the tinsel  on the tree  a piece at a time, and even drilled holes in the real tree to replace a bare spot.   And when I find myself getting overwrought, getting crazy, I return to Christmas past.

My ghost of Christmas past reminds me of people that left my life for the time being, but are locked in my heart forever.  It is not sad.  I think of our Boo-Sha, that’s the Americanized version of the Polish word babcia which means grandma.  What a fine, old-fashioned woman she was.  I hit the jackpot for mother-in-laws.

Plus, she is my role model for grandmothers.  She knitted and crocheted, she kept her little two flat brick bungalow as clean as a palace, and had a stash of quaint jokes that we still kick around.   I think she signified the best of the old immigrant ideal, strongly religious, thrifty, not cheap, but careful with money.

She once took all her end scraps of yarn and knitted my kids the ugliest hats in the world.  Yet my oldest son still wears his.  He calls it his boosha hat.  And I saved her collection of salt and pepper shakers.  She had one from every state except Maryland.  No one can capture the sweetness of another person’s nature.  Let us just say, our boosha’s handmade  ornaments still hang on my tree.

Quickly, I gift you with MY BUDDHA SMILE.  Looking at eastern statuary, I noticed the soft smile on every figure; even the many versions of the Buddhas never looked severe.  Why?

They are grounded in the moment, they look upon everything with sublime objectivity, they breathe the air about them with pleasure, then they raise their lips upward and the playful smile appears.  While life roars about them, they are at peace.

Whatever your religion or persuasion, I wish you all a kinder, gentler world.

Lu

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Thank the Lord the blitzkrieg of media politics is over.  The social media doesn’t know when to stop.    And “fact check” has become a household phrase.  My regard for a candidate fell a little with every phone call.  I hate robocalling–a prerecorded message?  Double yuk.

It’s also time to drag out your giveaway stuff.  You know that lovely ring that won’t go over your knuckle and you can’t wear anymore? Time to tie a ribbon around it and give it to someone you care about.  Every year my sister-in-law and I minimize our stuff by giving our pretties and not so pretties to folks who will appreciate our gestures.  “Giveaways” are meaningful gifts to those you love.  Why wait?  Downsize the fun way.

Speaking of fun, what are you doing for yourself, just for you?  In early autumn on a cool day, when I was pretty sure no one was about, I did “whirlies” in the grass in my bare feet.  Whirlies are kind of crooked circles that you make with your arms out.   I felt such a rush.  I felt free.  I was alive.

Someone asked me if I really did this.  Yes, I did, and I am only a little bit dippy.  If anyone would have asked I had my reply ready.  “The doctor told me to.”

Everyone needs moments in their life that make them glow.  Heck, buy a hair piece to cover your bald spot.  They look quite natural.  I don’t know the cost, but be a little daring.  Or buy something absolutely useless if you like it.  Light candles and gaze out your window.   Candlelight softens the rough edges.

If I thought I could manage the landing, I might consider skydiving.  Fortunately, or unfortunately, the lower part of my back is bolstered with titanium rods, and I would hate to have one poke me in a lung.  Instead I am going on the big Ferris wheel at Navy Pier.  When I was young, I once got motion sickness and threw up on the poor riders beneath me.  Ever since, I’ve avoided Ferris wheels.  I am also going to stand on the platform at Willis Tower.   That’s daring enough for me.

Age related inhibitions sometimes are too much.  Giggling, snorting, belly laughs are good things.  I never said fling caution to the winds, but buy that smart phone and text your whoevers.  It’s never too late to try.  After living most of my life with dark hair, I am now blonde… for sure, I will never be gray.  I dared to dye, and it worked.  I like it.

I really think you always regret the things you didn’t do.  With every experience I’ve had– the good, the bad, the beautiful–I have grown and become more resilient.  That’s what life is about, isn’t it?

I have so much to be thankful for:  extra time to do and know,  new friends, old friends, family to die for, and a loving God.

Bless you all.

Lu

P.S.  On December 4 at 7 p.m. , Mary Krekelberg is having a BYOB session, BRING YOUR OWN BOOK.  I attend because I plain out love it.  The ideas for new books fly around and everyone enjoys the evening.  Do come.

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A hole in the fabric of our lives is empty hours.  These hours multiply as we age.   On the way to work today, I drove past an old tree.  The bark is gnarled, the branches are thick, twisted things, the roots rise heavy from the grass.  I love it.  This old tree is intrinsically beautiful to me, and it still blooms.   My inspiration.

Back to empty hours!   Time on our hands.  As I listened to friends, I noticed we all have big juicy hours to spare.  For a fact, I don’t want to clean anything. YUK.  I want to have fun.  I want to feel alive.  I ask you, “How many games of solitaire can you play in a day?”

But age limits our options.  Our days of running the marathon are over.  But maybe we could sponsor a Senior Walk-a-thon; wheelchairs, walkers, canes and all. I am serious.  Start training today.   Why not?  It could be a great day, and our kids and grandkids could sponsor us.  And it would be in-your-face crazy, flaunting fun, too.

The most satisfying part of writing a column is investigating new/old ideas.   I really decided to explore meditation and mindfulness as a legitimate way to meet our needs.  There is a spiritual quality to finding yourself, and meditation is my tool of choice.  I can only explore the tip of the iceberg.  What does this have to do with empty hours? Well, I could hand you a list of places to join, volunteer, etc., but I believe the problem goes deeper.  The big “why.”   Everyone has the wherewithal to solve his or her own problems.  Being busy is not the solution, and your solution only works for you.

Our library has over 150 items about meditation for a reason.   Interest in a life of mindful meaning still remains a priority in a personal way.  Lately, I have been practicing guided meditations, and they release a sense of mindful, nonjudgmental energy.  Answers come.  At the end of this column, I am going to suggest a few places to start, and I hope you give meditation a chance.  There are so many roads, I am sure there is one for you.

Being fully aware in a loving aura is a place to start. Meditation releases tensions you did not know you had.  I gave copies of the book to members of my family.  Truthfully, I don’t know if they read them yet.  I’m hoping they do.

I culled these recommendations for you.  If you have other favorites, I would like to know about them.

Meditation by Ian Gawler & Paul Bedson.

Coming to Our Senses: Healing Ourselves and the World through Mindfulness by Jon Kabat-Zinn

Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness by Jon Kabat-Zinn

Mindfulness for Beginners: Reclaiming the Present Moment–and Your Life by Jon Kabat-Zinn

Eight Meditations for Optimum Health (sound recording) by Andrew Weil.

There are no easy answers for every problem.  Sometimes you just have to suck it up, but with patience and positivity.

Lu

For a quick lift, Barbara from our Check Out Services suggested  Advanced Style by Ari Cohen.  Check it out, you might want to change your wardrobe.

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WHAT TO EXPECT IN THE SEVENTIES.  I have a birthday coming, and I’m thinking I am not the person I was at 65, for sure, for sure.  Then, a pedicure was a treat, now it is a necessity–parts have rusted, bunions are bigger–plus doctor trips and tests are a way of life, and I think I’m getting another hammer toe.  I really don’t intend to put anyone off, but we’re all in this together, and we can take comfort in the fact we are not alone–another little “blessing.”  Now when I write a phone number, I also have to add a name and subject.  Ah well, and here’s  another happy thought for you to ponder: I honestly believe aging gracefully is a matter of accepting the inevitable without the whine.  But, boy, do I enjoy commiserating with friends.

THAT WAS THEN, THIS IS NOW.  I have a tip for you.  Cross out the old stories of “back then when I…”   It’s a trap, and I often find myself going  backwards.  No one really wants to hear that stuff.  It doesn’t wash.  I do find my grandkids  love embarrassing stories about their parents.  Try it.  They’ll like it.  In an effort to stay current, I’m texting…very slowly.  I have a Lu rule: I never text when I’m with other folks.

RADIO PBS.  While listening to the Public Broadcasting System the other day, I heard a panel talking about the technological changes (there are those words again).  In the last year, our cyber world  has changed more than it has in the last ten years.  Goodbye newspapers and magazines, and welcome to “Virtual Reality.” When I first heard that expression, I thought it was an oxymoron.  I just cannot predict what is going to be next.  What is your vision for the next ten years?

MY AUTHOR OF THE MONTH.  If you like mystery, I recommend Tana French’s  books.  She’s fairly new on the scene, but her main character, Frank Mackey,  is  a tough one-of-a-kind homicide detective who just blows me away.  Be warned, it is a bit dark.

MOVIES (my friends) FOR US.  Two movies about older adults that are fun are:   Hope Springs  and The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.  The popularity of these films proves there is a definite audience for “adults only” films.

MEDITATION AND MINDFULNESS, AND ME, AND MAYBE YOU.  I seriously am investigating this topic for my next column, but I want to research the topic more fully. Perhaps you would prefer THE BELLY FAT BLUES.

Enjoy the cool.

Lu

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Time flies and as the big “fade out” begins, sometimes we face age related problems that strongly affect our self-esteem.  I believe self-esteem is an invisible variable that needs a regular checkup.

It is the backbone of our person and defines not who we are, but how we feel.  When we feel inadequate, passed over, patronized, or ignored, of course we will feel bad.  It’s the nature of the beast.  We need to handle these issues immediately, and I’ll tell you why.
Stuff like this can eat your soul.  You might hit the replay button going over slights  again and again.  Not good. Been there, done that myself.  No more.  It’s a one-way street to misery and self-pity.  SEIZE THE DAY.  REVISE YOUR ATTITUDE, AND PUSH THE REPLAY BUTTON OVER THE CLIFF.

This is real life, unintentionally or not, young and old clash in a million ways.  In my greener days I was no sweetheart myself, often feeling superior to older others.  I never appreciated that one day I would be on the receiving end.  Now I am.  OUCH!

It’s how we handle these situations that will define our maturity.  I can only tell you what helped me.  First, I realized I was being a bit of a drama queen and a little over sensitive.   In light of the constant barrage of new stuff, sometimes my confidence gets shaky.
I think we experience these problems in mixed age groups or among family members.  My Story:  I bought a five speed bike.  I love fast .  I had two falls, nothing broke, but I had beautiful blue bruises.

When my younger son kindly asked me to give up my five speed bike or consider wearing body armor, I was, at first, miffed.  Then in all sincerity, when my daughter suggested a three wheel bike, I snorted like a bull.  Then I thought about it.  Grow up, Lu, so my green hornet sits in my garage.  I will investigate the three wheeler with a basket.   Look for me on the way to Jewel, a trend setter.

In mixed company, it’s the eye rollers and dead fish stares that stab our psyches.  My particular peeve is people who do not even look at us.   We want to be acknowledged and we want to be taken seriously.   After a few unpleasant experiences, I determined to assert myself.  Weird as it sounds, I changed my attitude.  Pouting is not an option.  Complaining is worse.  I thought, “How can I respond?”

First, I use the significant pause. I say nothing and just eyeball the individual.  Then I wait a bit.  That often works.   Secondly, if it’s worth it, I quietly repeat the thought.

Dealing with snotty remarks, I want to reply, “Nicely said….”  But sarcasm lowers our standards. I smile and let it go, and I notice the world still goes on. Finally, most importantly, I WORK AT LETTING IT GO FOREVER. I put myself in a happier place.
JUST BLAST THE STEREOTYPICAL TYPE CASTING OF OTHERS (it’s worth repeating) AND DO YOUR THING, SAFELY, OF COURSE.

Lu

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