Time flies and as the big “fade out” begins, sometimes we face age related problems that strongly affect our self-esteem. I believe self-esteem is an invisible variable that needs a regular checkup.
It is the backbone of our person and defines not who we are, but how we feel. When we feel inadequate, passed over, patronized, or ignored, of course we will feel bad. It’s the nature of the beast. We need to handle these issues immediately, and I’ll tell you why.
Stuff like this can eat your soul. You might hit the replay button going over slights again and again. Not good. Been there, done that myself. No more. It’s a one-way street to misery and self-pity. SEIZE THE DAY. REVISE YOUR ATTITUDE, AND PUSH THE REPLAY BUTTON OVER THE CLIFF.
This is real life, unintentionally or not, young and old clash in a million ways. In my greener days I was no sweetheart myself, often feeling superior to older others. I never appreciated that one day I would be on the receiving end. Now I am. OUCH!
It’s how we handle these situations that will define our maturity. I can only tell you what helped me. First, I realized I was being a bit of a drama queen and a little over sensitive. In light of the constant barrage of new stuff, sometimes my confidence gets shaky.
I think we experience these problems in mixed age groups or among family members. My Story: I bought a five speed bike. I love fast . I had two falls, nothing broke, but I had beautiful blue bruises.
When my younger son kindly asked me to give up my five speed bike or consider wearing body armor, I was, at first, miffed. Then in all sincerity, when my daughter suggested a three wheel bike, I snorted like a bull. Then I thought about it. Grow up, Lu, so my green hornet sits in my garage. I will investigate the three wheeler with a basket. Look for me on the way to Jewel, a trend setter.
In mixed company, it’s the eye rollers and dead fish stares that stab our psyches. My particular peeve is people who do not even look at us. We want to be acknowledged and we want to be taken seriously. After a few unpleasant experiences, I determined to assert myself. Weird as it sounds, I changed my attitude. Pouting is not an option. Complaining is worse. I thought, “How can I respond?”
First, I use the significant pause. I say nothing and just eyeball the individual. Then I wait a bit. That often works. Secondly, if it’s worth it, I quietly repeat the thought.
Dealing with snotty remarks, I want to reply, “Nicely said….” But sarcasm lowers our standards. I smile and let it go, and I notice the world still goes on. Finally, most importantly, I WORK AT LETTING IT GO FOREVER. I put myself in a happier place.
JUST BLAST THE STEREOTYPICAL TYPE CASTING OF OTHERS (it’s worth repeating) AND DO YOUR THING, SAFELY, OF COURSE.
Lu
How true this is. Great column!
Thank you. I am interested in knowing how you handle the “aches and pains of outrageous fortune”. What really gives you a lift. I think others would like to know.
lu
So very well said Lu. I held off college until my children were grown so began in my 40s. It took me 12 years of part-time studying but I did it and even received a Masters. No, I had no financial empire in sight, just a life long dream that life required I delay. I’m struggling with not being ‘seen or heard’ due to being a senior despite having good knowledge that would add greatly to discussions. At my age, how could I possibly be current, etc. Has anyone else experienced this? The singular thing that’s expected of me is to roll out pictures of my grandchildren and express that they are all I live for. I do, but I also am a complete person on my own with or without grandchildren, canning, baking cupcakes. I simply find I don’t internally fit the stereotype of the mindless, but loving, grandmother while,externally, I do. No one expects me to have the interests I do so I ‘go it alone’ to feel fulfilled in my desire for knowledge. If you’ve found yourself in this situation, I’d love to hear from you and what you did. I’m heading into a Zen belief to find the peace I need inside amidst this ‘nonexistance’. I am of value to myself and am not sure how to have others feel the same. I will always buck the stereotypes of age despite acknowledging the reality of them. It is a part of the human life cycle and oh so natural.
Dear friend,
Sorry I did not reply sooner. Finding the right fit takes time and guts. I do understand your needs. Been there, done that too. Actually I do meditate and find it a source of soothing help.
I particularly like the CDS of Jon Kabat-Zinn. Frequently I go it alone and have learned to enjoy my own company.
lu
Hi,
At last a cool day. Thank you for your comments. They are spot on and I agree with you. You have identified a major problem of the New Age Seniors. I firmly believe that we should pioneer this idea. After lunch, what then?
Finding like minded friends can be difficult. After the lecture, what then? We intend to pursue this problem in our Over 55 Council meeting on September 14 at 9:30 a.m., I invite you to join us. One of many suggestions for interactive ideas might be the pursuit of meditation. I know I would be up for it. Let me hear from you.
lu